“Sick” feels like failure

Source: “Sick” feels like failure

“Sick” feels like failure


“No one will marry you, you’re too expensive [because you are sickly].”

I was less than worth-less, I was costly. Through no fault of my own I was a “sickly” child. Prone to pneumonia, gastroenteritis, colds, & infectious diseases, I was a burden. In my family of origin, love & money were entangled, & not being a cost-effective child was just one of the many, many shames heaped upon my little body.

Stigma is shame. Our culture still shames illness & disability. We heap particularly unsympathetic shame on people with invisible, undiagnosed, & controversial diagnoses, syndromes, disorders, & diseases. 

“You’re such a hypochondriac” (using the common misinterpretation of the term, when what they mean is “you’re TOO SICK & it makes us uncomfortable.”)

“You’re being over dramatic/hysterical (mostly reserved for girls/women).

“You just want attention, are faking, are crazy”

You get the point.

We do this judging all the time. We internalize your judgement. We question, we weigh, are we WORTHY of concern? We internalize it. We second-guess. We feel weak when we finally give in in agony & seek treatment, bracing ourselves for the inevitable judgement we will likely encounter.

We need empathy, compassion, & reassurance for our anxieties. We don’t need your judging & shaming, we have enough of our own.

Self-Care is Not Selfish

Repeat after me: I am taking care of myself. Sometimes that means I have to say no, even though I may be disappointed, or disappoint others. That is okay. Taking care of myself, body & mind, has to be my first priority if I am going to heal. This is not selfishness, it is self-care. I will not continue emotionally or physically abusing myself on behalf of my past or present abusers. I will replace their undeserved hate, guilt, and shame with compassion for myself. In this manor I will learn to trust myself to take care of me, and that is loving myself.
Margo M

December 26, 2016

A Night in the PICU

It was just Before Christmas in the PICU when the second of two brothers was declared brain-dead. The parents couldn’t bear being present this time. It was late at night when we gathered in the room. The intensivist and I, the respiratory therapist shared a wordless conversation. He switched off the ventilator. The monitor screamed until someone turned it off. With silent tears, we all went about our jobs. I wheeled the machine out of the room, as George Winston’s Thanksgiving played softly. I held it until the elevator doors closed, then sobbed all the way to the basement equipment room. I refuse to harden chanted in my head. I refuse.

A Night in the PICU

It was just Before Christmas in the PICU when the second of two brothers was declared brain-dead. The parents couldn’t bear being present this time. It was late at night when we gathered in t…

Source: A Night in the PICU

Theory & Technique

Pesso Boyden System Psychomotor (PBSP) is an interactional, body-based group therapy that enables one to recreate past experiences in order to compensate for emotional deficits earlier in life. Dev…

Source: Theory & Technique

In “Childhood Disrupted”, Donna Jackson Nakazawa explains how your biography becomes your biology…and that you really can heal

ACEs Too High

childhood-disruptedcovIf you want to know why you’ve been married three – or more — times. Or why you just can’t stop smoking. Or why the ability to control your drinking is slipping away from you. Or why you have so many physical problems that doctors just can’t seem to help you with. Or why you feel as if there’s no joy in your life even though you’re

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Top Twenty Mexican Slang (Top Ten Mexican Slang Part 2)

No Hay Bronca

The most popular post on this blog is Top Ten Mexican Slang. But for sure ten words don´t even scratch the surface of slang here in Mexico.

I hear these words every day. Unlike the original Top Ten Mexican Slang, in this post every word has a PG rating. Maybe PG-13.


Pinche could have been in the original top ten. It translates to many words in English, damn for example, but only when used to describe something.

“¡Pinche coche!” – damn car

“Pinche Juan” – goddamn Juan


Mande is the Mexican way to ask what or excuse me, when you don’t understand what someone said. It can also be used like tell me.


Neta can be used in several ways, but often like really? or for real?

“Estoy pedo, pero ya me tengo que ir a la chamba.”



Ahora means now

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Fucking With Love

I haven’t been posting as much as I used to, and I feel moved to explain why. How could I abandon my (mostly) anonymous readers, leaving them stranded in a sea of unironic listicles, meaningless se…

Source: Fucking With Love

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